Ask me anything
You lie, because control is what you yearn for. You never wanted anyone, you just want to know what it’s like to feel something that deeply. Anything. You are emotionally colourblind. You use the right words, you pantomime the right behaviour, but the feelings never come to pass. You know the dictionary definition of emotions; longing, joy, sorrow, but you have no idea what any of those things actually feel like. The feelings you have are nothing but impulses, they are primitive responses to immediate needs. You know all the words, but you can’t hear the music.
I’m just like you.
You may be a good chess player, always thinking five moves ahead.
But a great chess player only thinks one move ahead and it’s always the right move.